Tag Archives: relationships

“You have to get people talking the same language before you get them around the table” – Pakzan Dastoor

table blog post

“You have to get people talking the same language before you get them around the table” – Pakzan Dastoor

What a wonderful insight from the Dasra Foundation!

Dasra is an innovative foundation working on extreme social change in India.  I just heard them speak at an amazing conference at Stanford focusing on Indian philanthropy. Local Indians and Silicon Valley Indian entrepreneurs gathered together to discuss how to give intelligently.

Dasra’s strategic approach to social problems has dramatically increased the impact and scale of social change in India.  They helped take nearly 1000 nonprofits and socially conscious businesses to the next level. They have more than 28 research reports ranging from adolescent girls’ empowerment to child malnutrition and sports for development.

And Pakzan is right.   The Advisory Leader of Dasra knows that we need to collaborate, listen, and support one another in order to achieve true success.

So the “right language” is not really about a dialect.  It’s about our motivations.

Before we come to the table, we need to be on the same page.   That means our motives and aspirations are aligned.   Then we are really listening!  And the conversation builds to higher levels to serve the world, our communities and our partnerships.

Are you facing a challenge in philanthropy today? Or how about your own life?

We can take Pakzan’s advice.   Let’s slow down. We can make sure we are listening.   Are we speaking the same language? You might both be speaking Hindi.  But if you don’t have the same values, your words will blow right one another.

To truly scale we must have the same values.      

We can be great social innovators, communicators and doers by speaking the same language: Listen, love and support your partner.


As India’s leading strategic philanthropy foundation, Dasra actively shapes the process of social change by forming powerful partnerships with funders and social enterprises. In the past 15 years, Dasra has been working towards building a ‘thriving ecosystem’ that enables knowledge creation, capacity building, strategic funding, and collaboration in order to touch and transform the lives of 800 million Indians. 

The Grass Is Greenest Where You Water It

rice-field-387715_640“The grass is greenest where you water it. Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth – i.e. someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.”

-Mitch Temple

Get inspired by the latest AUDIO version of this blog!

Let’s be focused on how green we can make our grass!

Truly wouldn’t that be lovely?  If we all focused on what we have — the wonderful family or our friends who are like family; the job, or the opportunity to explore something new; the husband or the opportunity to date and find the right person – what a joy-filled world we would have!  And a joyful world starts with each one of our own little worlds.

So this isn’t restricted to simply appreciating your marriage. This is about any relationship or circumstance in life. If you want to be happy, appreciate the parts that are good — and invest in them.

If you want to see something to grow, water it!   Let’s look at some practical ways to do so.

512px-Watering-can-green

Love him.  If it’s your husband, love him. Don’t focus on his faults. Well, his clothes might not match. But, he empties the dishwasher.  Let’s water that. 32px-Smiley.svg  Remember, there are millions of women… simply wanting to be married. You have a lifelong committed partner, and that is a very green blessing.

Appreciate your business partner’s strengths. If it’s your business partner, appreciate their vision even if they  miss the details. Or, appreciate their attention to detail, if they are missing part of the vision. Work with who they are, and find some quality of value. Let’s be grateful for the partners we have in life.

Love your roommate. If they don’t take out the garbage, value that they are nice companions to speak with when you get home at night, pay their rent on time, or like to water plants.

Appreciate your teenager. Maybe they aren’t so talkative right now. But they get B+ and As, are good people, and don’t get in trouble. We definitely want to put the sprinkler on that. 32px-Smiley.svg

Value your co-chair.  Maybe they’re brusque.  But they deliver value and care a lot.  Fertilize and nurture the value they are giving.  Don’t criticize what they don’t have; be grateful for the strengths they bring. Supplement them. If they are stunning roses with thorns, then plant your gentle daisies.  That’s why you are there!

Be Grateful for the Weather as it Keeps the World Going Round. It’s cold.  I know it’s Minnesota, or Hanover.  It can be brutal!  But it’s also beautiful.  Nature and greenery are gorgeous…droughts are not.  In colder climates, strong, tightknit communities are the norm.  Families bond together.  It’s green in the land, and in your heart.

So dear Leaders… Water It… Wherever You Are!

——————————————————————————-

Mitch Temple serves as the director over marriage programs at Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He represents Focus at national events, seminars, media interviews and radio programs.  He has served for 23 years as a pulpit and counseling pastor, specializing in crisis, business and marriage- and family-related issues. He is a published author in various professional journals, and co-author of four marriage books such as The Marriage Turnaround.  His website Mitch Temple Online offers individuals, companies, and churches information on services, articles by Temple, and contributions by many members.  Mitch has been married to Rhonda for 30 years, have 3 grown children and one grand baby.

Bio sources: Focus on the Family and Mitch Temple Online

Quote source: Ten Secrets to a Successful Marriage

The Pamela Positive: The Importance of “Yes And”

When on the improv stage, one of the most important principles is listening to and supporting your partner.  If you do this, you help create a very strong sense of team, and also further the story in a way that is interesting to the audience.  For example, if someone says, “let’s go to the store,” you can “yes and” it by saying, “wonderful, I love JZ’s store, because it has such great record memorabilia that dates back to the fifties!”  What you have done is “yes and-ed” your partner.  You have essentially built on the first concept they introduced, a store.

Contrary to good improv, one could have done a “yes but.”  For example, “Okay, that store is fine, but I really want to go to the movies.”  That is denying your partner on stage, and invalidating their idea.  You are not building on their initial idea, nor are you moving the story forward.  You’ve essentially blocked them.  Your story has now halted, and your partner does not necessarily feel supported.  This is the importance of “yes and-ing” rather than “yes but-ing.”

Whether you’re an investor, an improviser on the stage, leading a team at a company, or a soccer captain, we can all practice the glory of “yes and-ing” one another.  If we do so, we will build a beautiful and strong world based on a foundation of supporting wins for everyone, all around.

The Pamela Positive: Loyalty to Those Not Present

“One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present.   In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present.  When you defend those who are absent, you retain the trust of those present.”

–Stephen Covey

Stephen Covey is a speaker and author, writer of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  His work focuses primarily on leadership, family and living with principle.  He is a professor at the Jon M. Huntsman School of Business at Utah State University.  He and his wife, Sandra, have nine children and fifty-two grandchildren.

The Classic Pamela Positive: “When You Learn Something From People…” – Yo-Yo Ma

Yo-Yo Ma“When you learn something from people or from a culture, you accept it as a gift, and it is your lifelong commitment to preserve that gift and to build on that gift.”
– Yo-Yo Ma Continue reading

The Pamela Positive: “We’re All Just Walking Each Other Home” – Ram Dass

“We’re all just walking each other home.”

– Ram Dass

Ram Dass (born Richard Alpert) is a Hindu spiritual teacher, and the author of Be Here Now.  He was born Jewish, considered himself an Atheist in his early years, and went on a spiritual search to India in the 1960s.  There he met Neem Karoli Baba, who became his guru, and gave him the name Ram Dass, meaning “servant of God.”  Ram Dass has written more than ten books and founded two foundations, the Seva Foundation and Hanuman Foundation.

The Pamela Positive: “What’s Important to You Is Important to Me”

Pamela’s Favorite…Pamela Positive

“What’s Important To You Is Important To Me”

This is one of my favorite statements.  It helps me understand and sincerely care about others.  When we truly listen to our family, friends, partners, team mates, improv players, then we can really hear…what’s important.

Sometimes it might be a clean kitchen.  For others, it might be taking the dog for a walk or getting the car cleaned.  Or it might be that you showed up at your daughter’s gymnastics recital. And sometimes, sitting down and listening to your boyfriend, while not multitasking and cleaning the dishes at the same time, may be the biggest sign of attention. It can even be as small as keeping your desk clean at work because you know it inspires your manager.

The point is, we all fall into habits.  These habits are what are most comfortable, and convenient, for us.  They are our priorities. But they are not necessarily important to others.  Instead, we need to take a look at what motivates others.

So even if we can live with a messy desk, if we know the manager is inspired to see an ordered workspace, then we can try to rise to that new standard.  If it bothers our companion that we’re doing something else while he’s talking about a serious issue, then we need to stop and sit down, and give our undivided attention.  If it makes a difference to our mom that we check the stove one more time before you leave the kitchen, then we make her feel cared for, and can do it again.

These are the small and important ways that we can let someone know they are important to us.

It’s the Substance of what builds or breaks down any relationship.

Many of us have felt that overwhelmingly warm feeling when someone does something for us… It specifically hits our hearts.  “Ah…how grateful I am that they took out the recycling!  I love an ordered home…”  It’s something that puts you at  peace.  And that positive energy allows you to give more.

“What’s Important to You is Important to Me.”

What a beautiful way to live…