Tag Archives: relationships

The Classic Pamela Positive: “Love Many, Trust a Few, And Always Paddle Your Own Canoe”

 

“Love Many, Trust a Few, And Always Paddle Your Own Canoe”

 

–Terri, from Coudersport, PA, as seen on Dark Chocolate Dove Wrapper

 

Terri has it right. What a joy to enjoy dark chocolate, which I love, with a truly inspired quote.

 

 

heart

 

 

Life affords us so many ways to love, and how important we keep doing so. At the same time, we have to be careful, and so Trust, or entrusting ourselves to others, perhaps must be a bit more rare.  I wish it weren’t so… however, everyone is on their pathway of personal growth. So we must honor them, honor ourselves: We should always love, but not necessarily entrust to others.

 

As far as paddling one’s own canoe. As my Oma says, “You’d better put a little elbow grease into that.” She was always ensuring she had pulled her weight. In fact, when I went over to Oma’s for a sleepover as a young child, even at the age of 8 or 9, our fun together — was working together. We scrubbed the kitchen floor on hands and knees, sharpened pencils, and wrote up a list for the freezer so she knew what was in there. She taught me to care about being clean, ordered and organized, which made her home special. She made it fun. I loved working with my Oma.

 

 

david-boca-794671-unsplash.jpg

 

 

Terri, we thank you for a quote which has delighted us all!

The Classic Pamela Positive: “Be prepared to fall in love all over again every day.” —Michael J. Fox

 

“Be prepared to fall in love all over again every day.”

—Michael J. Fox

This is true for every relationship. Whether it is your husband, partner, friend, calling in life, your labrador, or the beautiful sun we greet each day, be prepared… to fall in love again.

 

 

photo-1525635190807-4add2caab86b.jpeg

 

 

Appreciating all we have is the most wonderful, nurturing gift we can wrap for ourselves, others and the world. It envelops everything in the gift of love.

 

 

photo-1455819413567-ef04b7e1fe3d.jpeg

 

 


 

 

Michael J. Fox is an actor and activist.  He has appeared in iconic roles including Marty McFly in Back to the Future and Alex P. Keaton in the TV show Family Ties.  He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease in 1991, revealing his condition publicly in 1998.  Since then he has been a powerful activist promoting research for a cure.  He has been married to actress Tracy Pollan since 1988, and they have four children.  Fox is also the author of three books, including the memoir, Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist.

The Classic Pamela Positive: What Dogs Teach Us

 

Here is a moving story I wanted to share. The author is unknown.

This involves a story of a young boy whose dog needed to be put to sleep. Here is a conversation that ensued with his family.

 

 

photo-1518815068914-038920b6f0c6.jpeg

 

 

“We sat together for a while after Belker’s (the dog’s) death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up “I know why.”

 

 

photo-1528301725143-1ba694832e77.jpeg

 

 

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try to live. He said, “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life—like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?”

The six-year-old continued, “Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

 

 

photo-1489440543286-a69330151c0b.jpeg

 

 

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

  • When loved ones come home, always run to greet them;
  • Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride;
  • Take naps;
  • Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy;
  • Stretch before rising;
  • Run, romp, and play daily;
  • Thrive on attention and let people touch you;
  • Avoid biting when a simple growl will do;
  • On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass;
  • On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree;
  • When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body;
  • Delight in the simple joy of a long walk;
  • Be loyal;
  • Never pretend to be something you’re not;
  • If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it;
  • When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

 

 

 

The Classic Pamela Positive: “Look Deeply and Recognize the Real Enemy” – Thich Nhat Hanh

 

“If I can say anything to you, it is to invite you to look deeply and recognize the real enemy. The enemy is not a person. That enemy is a way of thinking that has brought a lot of suffering for everyone.”

– Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Anything negative — is not from a person.

 

Radical thinking? It shouldn’t be. If we view the enemy as simply a thought and not a person, we depersonalize it. It’s temporary, changeable. And we allow the person to grow beyond it, rather than be it.

 

We can then eliminate personal offense, and work constructively towards a solution.

 

Look at the Why

 

If something seems to be negative, we can encourage ourselves to look at “the why.” Why might someone think, or take action, in this way?  This offers us an opportunity to develop empathy. Perhaps this person—let’s call her Jeanine—came from a difficult circumstance or has been hurt.

 

It’s not Jeanine who is “bad,” but the experiences which occurred in her life which impacted her. It’s those events that led to the thinking and action behind negativity.

 

 

 

 

So Jeanine’s identity is not “Prejudice”, “Anger” or “Hurt”:

 

 

 

 

It’s instead:

 

 

The most beautiful thing about this is the following.

 

She can change.

 

Allow her to do so. Wouldn’t we all wish to be forgiven for a past action?

 

 

Happy People

 

 

Every day we can begin again.   We can embrace a fresh purity for each person in our lives, allowing us and others to lives to our fullest – with Love.


 

 

 

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Buddhist monk and Zen master.  He is a well-known poet, writer and peace activist.  A native of Vietnam, during the Vietnam War he helped found the “engaged Buddhism” movement, combining the contemplative practice of the monastery with active ministry to victims of the conflict.  He founded the School of Youth Social Service, a Buddhist University, a publishing house, and a Vietnamese peace activist magazine.

During a trip to the United States, Thich Nhat Hanh persuaded Martin Luther King, Jr. to publicly oppose the Vietnam War; King subsequently nominated him for a Nobel Peace Prize.  Thich Nhat Hanh led the Buddhist delegation to the Paris Peace Talks.

Thich Nhat Hanh is the author of more than 85 books on mindfulness and peace. He founded the Plum Village community in France, a Buddhist community in exile. He continues to live and work at the Plum Village, and leads retreats worldwide on “the art of mindful living.”

 

 

The Classic Pamela Positive: Is America’s Banyan Tree the Conference Room?

 

This is Part Two of a Two-Part series on the Bayan tree. You can read Part One here.

 

 

It is interesting how in America and in many places across the world, most of our meetings take place in walled, sterile conference rooms. Chairs are uniformly around the table. The walls are usually plastered with notices about the companys achievements. Pens and pads are available so we can write and record and get our business done.”Gosh darn it,” I can hear the executives say, “in this room we’re going to get to the solution, get down to business, and ‘make it happen.’

 

 

photo-1528238646472-f2366160b6c1.jpeg


 


Yet what if we looked at doing all of our business, or even holding all of our meetings, under a banyan tree? This return to nature might help conversations flow more easily.

 

 

banyantree_jeep2499_sstock

 

 
Perhaps this atmosphere would allow us to be more authentic. If we are surrounded by nature’s occasional stirring winds, visionary clouds floating across the sky, and brilliant beckoning sun, would we not also settle into a more authentic course of conversation?Could it lead to more natural, comfortable (and no less impactful, but rather more so) solutions? Within this reframing context of nature, we can discuss our goals and hopes and plans and perhaps achieve even greater goals.

 

 

communicate2

 

 

Here’s a thought… We can replace the pen, paper and busy scribbling of notes, with more eye contact. We supplant the flurried white board scrawls with more thoughtful listening. What a profound impact this has to have on any business relationship, business decision, and especially, with any personal matter. 

Until we can “Unconference Room” your meeting space, perhaps we can imagine all of our conversations thoughtfully taking place under a Banyan tree. A place where comfort, understanding, and right relationships result under its strong, rooted and peaceful presence.

 

 


 

 

The banyan tree originally received its name from the merchants who gathered beneath it to do business; in the Gujarati language, banyameans merchant/grocer.” Western visitors to India observed the merchants meeting beneath the tree, and the name evolved to refer to the tree itself. The banyan trees are given great symbolism in both Hinduism and Buddhism. Banyan trees can grow to cover hundreds of feet, and live for over a thousand years.

GET OFF THIS

 

It seems harmless. Check a photo. Post a photo. See what others are up to. What could be wrong with that?

 

 

georgia-de-lotz-722144-unsplash (2) (1) (1) (1).jpg

 

 

Yet according to Tech Crunch, a new study tested a regular social media group and one limited to 10 minutes per day.

 

 

jens-johnsson-685540-unsplash (1) (1) (1).jpg

 

 

The limited 10-minute group shows less depression, anxiety.1

It shows more stable mental health and social support. What’s going on?

 

 

felix-rostig-1102758-unsplash (1) (1) (1).jpg

 

 

People actually need to spend time together.

They do! We do! We all do.

 

 

phil-coffman-161251-unsplash (1) (1).jpg

 

 

The American Psychological Association stated that nearly 40% of Americans up their time with people and social events to combat stress.2 Further, time with family can alleviate stress. In a nearly 10-year study at Yale and Berkeley, people who didn’t have a social fabric died three times more during those years, than someone who had family and close friends.3 And even those who don’t have the greatest or healthiest lifestyle — even they last longer when they have friends, family, social integration in meaningful ways.4

 

 

anthony-tran-383490-unsplash (1) (1).jpg

 

 

According to Psychology Today, positive mental health increases with these ties. Depression, anxiety, go down.5    

Positive uplift, positive affect, take place. You are a better you, even if you aren’t taking care of you!    

 

 

kelsey-chance-575535-unsplash (1) (1).jpg

 

 

 

So connect today. Get off the metal and get in front of people. Start living a more positive life!

Connecting in person,

Pamela

 

 


 

Citations:
1 Coldewey, Devin, “Limiting social media use reduced loneliness and depression in new experiment”, Tech Crunch, November 9, 2018,https://techcrunch.com/2018/11/09/limiting-social-media-use-reduced-loneliness-and-depression-in-new-experiment/
2 Guest Contributor, “Most Effective Stress Relievers”, Forbes, November 3, 2009, https://www.forbes.com/2009/11/02/stress-relief-tips-lifestyle-health-stress.html#7095b16e357a
3 Berkman, Lisa F. and Syme, S. Leonard, “Social Networks, Host Resistance and Mortality: A Nine-Year Follow-Up Study of Alameda County Residents”, American Journal of Epidemiology, Vol. 109, No. 2, pages 186-204
4 Brody, Jane E., “Social Interaction is Critical for Mental and Physical Health, The New York Times, June 12, 2017, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/12/well/live/having-friends-is-good-for-you.html
5 Bergland, Christopher, “Face-to-Face Social Contact Reduces Risk of Depression”, Psychology Today, October 5, 2015, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201510/face-face-social-contact-reduces-risk-depression
Fig. 1: Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash
Fig. 2: Photo by Jenz Johnsson on Unsplash
Fig. 3: Photo by Felix Rostig on Unsplash
Fig. 4: Photo by Phil Coffman on Unsplash
Fig. 5: Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

 

 

The Classic Pamela Positive: Sticking with the Beauty of Loving Yourself and Others

 

In this article by fellow Fast Company blogger, Alicia Morga, advised: “Adopt the Cindy Crawford motto: no flaws…stick with the beauty of loving yourself and others.”

 

 

 

As Cindy Crawford says,

 

“Never point out your flaws, but do admit to your mistakes.”

 

What a powerful distinction.  Cindy is an accomplished wife, mother, businesswoman, spokesperson and model.  She’s demonstrated beauty in so many ways, specifically through her acumen, well-spoken manner, desire to make a beautiful life and home accessible to everyone, and most importantly, knowing that true, lasting beauty starts and comes from within.

Beauty is about trusting yourself, appreciating your unique qualities, just as we should for other people. It’s one of our greatest age old wisdoms, to love your neighbor as yourself.  And to love our neighbor as ourselves, we have to start with, yes, you and me.

 

 

 

 

 

So, as Cindy advises, don’t point out areas of yourself that are weak. You might be working on those, and we all have areas of improvement. Do demonstrate your positive qualities of intellect, kindness, graciousness, honesty, selflessness. We recognize and celebrate these abundantly.

There will be a time, many times, when we all need to own up to mistakes or ways we can be better. Then we, with rapid fire, should admit our mistakes and, where necessary, apologize. Part of our beauty is cultivating caring, honest, open relationships where we admit where we could have been better. With this admittance comes strength and a more beautifully enduring relationship with others – and ourselves.

Truth is beauty. We start with the Truth of what is good about us and others. We stay with that until we find a time where we need to admit where we fell down. And we avoid simply putting others, or ourselves, down at all.

Stick with the Beauty of loving yourself and others.

 

 


 

 

Cindy Crawford was a popular supermodel of the ’80s and ’90s. She was frequently featured on a number of magazines including Vogue, Elle, Cosmopolitan, and Allure. She has walked on the runway for many brands including Chanel, Valentino, and Christian Dior. She has also been involved in fitness campaigns, and appeared in TV, music videos, and movies.  Since retiring from modeling in 2000, she has been working on creating beauty products and home furnishings. 

When Crawford was ten, her three-year-old brother Jeff died of leukemia. Since then, a focal point of her charity work has been childhood leukemia research. She is an official supporter of the Ronald McDonald House Charities and an honorary committee member of the California Wildlife Center. She is married to fellow model, Rande Gerber and they have two children together.