Tag Archives: children

A Letter to my Son…Who’s Not Working (Part 5 of 5)

Letter 5 of 5

This is a five-part series of letters from a loving parent to a son. The letters demonstrate how parents can love and support their children during transitional periods. As young adults build their own identity and search for employment, a parent’s kind words can assist them in their journey.
Read the first letter here.

Dear Son,

We’re hoping this sounds like a great plan for you – getting a job of your choice. I am not so concerned about what it is, but I do hope it is something that you want to do. When we apply ourselves to something we like, our lives continue month after month and year after year, building a track record or positivity and success.  That’s where our sense of self, identity, and esteem comes from.

It’s been a wonderful year having you home. I hope you see how much I have tried to help you with school and other areas.  I thought you might want to read this before we talked.  I am looking forward to hearing about your new independent life and to cheering you on.

With great love and admiration for who you are,

Sincerely,

Your Dad

This is the final letter of this five part series. Read letters one, two, three or four.

 

A Letter To My Son…Who’s Not Working (Part 4 of 5)

Letter 4 of 5

This is a five-part series of letters from a loving parent to a son. The letters demonstrate how parents can love and support their children during transitional periods. As young adults build their own identity and search for employment, a parent’s kind words can assist them in their journey.
Read the first letter here.

Dear Son,

Next, we are going to provide a plan of support you:

– For the next 2 months, your sole focus will be on getting a full-time job with a goal of supporting yourself.

-The sooner you get the job, the better it will be because, as with all adults, it’s time to start saving.

– We’ll continue to provide you a car, free gas, free food in the refrigerator and if you’re fortunate like we often are, Debra’s* lovely cooking.  🙂 The cleaners will continue to come to the home and clean your room as well.

-When you have the job after two months, we will allow you to stay for four months with that job. The goal is to give you a cushion to save.  

– At that time, you will have had no expenses and 4-6 months of saving. That’s good padding and support from us in order to get on your feet and pay for your own apartment. This will give you a great appreciation for living on your own and also, perhaps, the freedom you seek.

-After the six months, you are welcome to come over every Sunday night for dinner. We would love to have you. We love our family time and we feel so fortunate that you are near.

*Names Changed

Click here for the final letter of this five part series.

A Letter To My Son…Who’s Not Working (Part 3 of 5)

Letter 3 of 5

This is a five-part series of letters from a loving parent to a son. The letters demonstrate how parents can love and support their children during transitional periods. As young adults build their own identity and search for employment, a parent’s kind words can assist them in their journey.
Read the first letter here.

Dear Son,

So let’s talk about a new approach. You seem to really like jobs that involve service, the outdoors, or regular work that involves client service. Those are great qualities to focus on. There are a lot of jobs out there that would be lucky to have you. You are a very kind, gentle, sincere family member who we really appreciate and we know others do, too. So it sounds like it’s time to focus on what you would like to do which seems to be get a job in one of these areas.

Every parent has aspirations for their child. My greatest aspirations for you right now are simply to find something that you like to do, that you want to be committed to and that you’re able to provide for yourself. Therefore, I want to help support you in this goal.

For the next 2 months, we’re going to stop our tutoring with the education specialist. From the last report, it sounded like no homework was done and no progress was made and he would need to send you daily texts in order to remind you to do work. That doesn’t seem very productive for us.  It’s not a wise way to spend our money. So we are going to stop the tutoring.

Click here for the next letter in this five part series.

A Letter To My Son…Who’s Not Working (Part 2 of 5)

Letter 2 of 5

This is a five-part series of letters from a loving parent to a son. The letters demonstrate how parents can love and support their children during transitional periods. As young adults build their own identity and search for employment, a parent’s kind words can assist them in their journey.
Read the first letter here.

Dear Son,

I know that in the past couple of years, we have struggled with college. As your father, I feel it is important to set you up with tools to succeed so that you can be a strong, educated individual who can provide for himself, and if you want, a family. These days, life can be very competitive and I want my son to not only survive but to thrive and succeed. Therefore, in my humble opinion, having a college degree is most important. It not only helps you attain the best jobs but also attain greater pay.  

But I’ve realized lately that this might be my wish, and not yours. It might be a time to take a break from studies. You’re now 23.  There are many years and courses to go until you finish college. It doesn’t seem you’re that motivated to do so.

Maybe it’s time to take a different approach. Just please know that my strong efforts in the past to help you regarding college were out of love. I want you to have a strong and positive future.

Remember while I’ll always love you, I won’t always be physically present on Earth. I think about that, Joe. I want you to be able to provide for yourself when I’m not here. So thank you for understanding when I have gotten involved in your life — it’s because I love you, and sometimes I get worried.

Click here for the next letter in this five part series.

The Pamela Positive: Better To Make a Few Mistakes Being Natural

“Better to make a few mistakes being natural than to do everything out of a feeling of worry.”
The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, Dr. Benjamin Spock, 1946

It’s better to make a few mistakes being natural.   It’s important to be who we are in a natural, real way.  If we get everything right, and are absolutely perfect, but it’s done with anxiety…. then it actually isn’t right, is it?

What we do needs to be done with care, love, calm.  With joy and sincerity…and since Dr. Benjamin Spock was a famous leader in parenting in the 40s, I’ll take his advice not only for parenting, but also for management.  And for our communications, how we live our lives, how we treat others…

Dr. Spock was an influential writer on childrearing, who advocated for increased flexibility and affection in the treatment of infants and children.  He was also an Olympic gold medalist in rowing, and a peace advocate.

The Pamela Positive: Why Do We Live Apart from the Family We Love?

What We Can Learn from Asia

I am one of those fortunate people who did not need to board a flight this past holiday. My family is local: My parents live 45 minutes away on the Peninsula, and my sister, brother-in-law and three nephews and niece live about 1 mile from my parents.

That’s truly been a joy for me, the simple presence of family.   Being able to babysit last minute; experiencing the chaos of taking care of kids during ‘meltdown time’ at 5 pm with a 6, 4 and 1 year old when they were growing up ; celebrating their progress on their soccer field; scootering with them to ice cream on a warm summer night, after dinner.

Why do we allow ourselves to live apart? Why is it so accepted?

I know I am fortunate.  Sometimes people have to move because of marriage. A new job. Taking care of an elderly parent.  All very legitimate reasons which contribute to family, and yet, also separate…

In a recent Gallup Poll, 16% of the world said they would like to move to another country.  This comes from both dire situations (such as Somalia) to the desire for luxury or adventure.  But in one region the rates are lower than Europe and America: Asia.  Due to progress in political freedoms and enhanced economic opportunities, many Asians are staying put: Only 10% desire to move. But there’s another factor as well: Close family ties, and a cultural commitment to taking care of family, keeps the desire to move low.

Let’s learn, if we are so fortunate, from this cultural and familial commitment to keep family close…

The Pamela Positive: “When the Child Welcomes the Mother, the Mother Rushes Off to Her”

“When the child welcomes the mother, the mother rushes off to her”  – Deborah Santana

I am not someone who cancels meetings or dinners very often, simply because it’s something to reschedule and I like to stay committed.  And yet the main reason I will cancel – as would one of my cherished friends, Deborah Santana – is for family.

Deborah emailed me this morning that she needed to move our dinner because her daughter invited her to a weekend together in Seattle.  I love what she said, and it warmed my heart… “When the child welcomes the mother, the mother rushes off to her.”  A mother should go to her child first.

There is no more important reason in the world.