Tag Archives: authenticity

The Classic Pamela Positive: What Motivates?

 

I had an hour and a half long conversation with a Dukie the other day, who pushed me to answer new questions! I love those conversations as they are so real and help us become better people, teachers, and learners.

Sinclair’s question was,

 

“You have a certain energy that inspires and drives people to action. How do you cultivate it, and how do you maintain it?”

 

 

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I don’t think there’s any surefire answer here. But here’s what I said:

“Dear Sinclair,

What a lovely question to ask, and one that is important for all of us. First, I will say that I find you equally motivating. It’s just that we have different personalities. For example, I might be more enthusiastically inspired, but you are more quietly and grounded inspired. Thus we are drawn together, as I might bring a higher energy and you bring a special stillness. Does that make sense?”

Sinclair, there are many different types of leadership. Just because someone seems more extroverted and external with it, doesn’t mean that’s the only type of leadership. Leadership can be about quietness, about listening, and even about knowing when to pause. To be a great leader, you need to master all communication skills, which include when to speak, how to speak, what the tone is, and when not to speak. It also includes body language, and most importantly, it includes your inner values and soul.

“So how then do you stay authentic with who you are?”

The words authenticity and transparency comes up a lot these days, and I appreciate it. As we become more oriented around machines, computers, iPads, phones, and the social media explosion of Vine, no Vine, Instagram, Snapchat—it disappears, Pinterest—Facebook—Twitter—former Friendster; it becomes very confusing. Our identities need to be aligned. So here’s what I do, and it’s a constant quest every day. Leadership isn’t something you attain and let go. Leadership is something you believe in, live, and maintain. That’s what makes life so exciting!

Remember these tips are only from me. You might find that other people have a different view. In order to stay authentic, I keep my priorities very clear. I know that my life calling is to be the best Pamela Hawley I can be, not just to deliver the best UniversalGiving. Therefore, I have to take a higher view than just my profession, my job, or even a calling. Even with a calling, you still have to put your identity and your values first. So how do I do that? First, you need to know that UniversalGiving comes third in my life. Yes, that’s right. As much as I love it, as much as it is my calling and not a job, it comes third in my life. So I’m going to be pretty naked here, and let you know how my life works.

 

 

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Priorities:

#1. God, Love, and/or Nature

I believe in a governing force of good for our universe. That means our universe is run based on certain principles that are loving, kind, and filled with integrity. Some people call that God, some people call it Love (it’s not just human love), and some people may relate to it as nature. The point is that there is a law of options going on in the universe that allows for the greatest good to occur. It’s our job to hook into it, work with it, and accelerate as much good as we can in our lifetimes. That will then pass onto others and reflect the true goodness that exists in this universe.

 

 

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Our foundation of the world and ourselves is based on goodness, and we need to pay more attention to that, rather than all of the nuisances, annoyances, negative suggestions, negative thoughts, and challenging interactions we have with personalities. You can make that a huge part of reality or you can go back to your view of a loving universe, and make that your focus. So you have to train your mind and heart, in God or Love, every day, every moment.

 

#2. Family (…and Friends)

Family is absolutely essential. It’s where we attain a sense of peace, grounding, and comfort. I know for myself, I grew up with a mom who baked me chocolate chip cookies, sat with me after school in second grade, and listened to me. We did workbooks together, we talked about life, and I felt she was always there for me. To this day, if I call her, ninety percent of the time she picks up the phone; she’s present. She’s family, and she’s my grounding, as are many other members of my family.

 

 

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Family extends into many areas. For example, with my nephews and nieces, I was fortunate enough to take care of them many Saturday nights when they were growing up. I got them at the “meltdown” phase at around 3 o’clock and spent the night. I learned a lot! I bonded with them in ways I cannot even imagine. Today? I just called Connor, my 17-year-old nephew, to congratulate him on his soccer game. Maybe not so many teenagers would pick up their aunt’s call, but he does, and we have a conversation even if he’s in the middle of building a creative project for school. We just have that connection.

I really don’t see the point in life of being this major “success” if you don’t have that family to share it with. A family to inspire you, a family that you inspire. And with that, there’s a sense of peace. You know where you come from, you know what your values are, and when the world gets too heavy, you can go home to that values, whether that’s in a physical structure, or in your heart. It’s irreplaceable.

 

 

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Equally important are friends. Those friends are absolutely a part of your family network. I have friends with whom I have standing weekly or monthly meetings. For example, my “second moms” are women who were a very important part of my life growing up. I have monthly or quarterly lunches set up with them. I don’t want to take them for granted and just see them at the holiday party. I want to know how they are, hear how they are, and support them as they have supported me. It’s a true, ongoing relationship rather than a once-a-year fond remembrance.

 

 

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#3. UniversalGiving

I don’t have a job—I have a calling! Every day I get up, I love what I do. I love being a social entrepreneur, and I love serving the world. I love volunteering, and I love helping scale the fact that thousands of other people can volunteer. So for me, it’s just a constant flow of doing good for the world, and helping my team do that, as well as reach their best. In summary, UniversalGiving helps people donate and volunteer in hundreds of countries across the world.

 

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Within that, I also rope in my volunteer events. I’m a consistent volunteer at City Impact, helping in the Tenderloin with everything from passing out food, doing apartment visits, to preparing Thanksgiving meals. I’m also a C.A.S.A., a Court-Appointed Special Advocate, which is a legal advocate for foster care youth who are often on the street. You work with them on a weekly, and sometimes daily basis to make sure they have food, housing, a listening ear, eyeglasses, job training, and whatever they might need. Many of them have had little or no training or modeling their entire life, so a lot of what you do also works on just helping them with social skills, and teaching them how to survive in the world.

 

#4. Improv

How I love improv! And you might think, “Well, how does this tie into the rest?” Improv is an incredible joy. It allows you to connect with your fellow actors on stage, and to be a true partner.

 

 

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It requires great creativity and quick thinking. It equally requires great listening and taking the back seat. It’s about sharing.

It’s about building. It’s about creating a scene from nothing. And in order to do that, you have to have absolute trust with your partner.

And isn’t that what life is? Sometimes you have to respond immediately, you always have to listen, and you need to be a great friend or partner in life—whether that’s in business, a marriage, or a friendship. So it actually synergizes. But even if it doesn’t, it’s so much fun! You should have things like that in your life, that seem opposite to everything else you do. As my oma, one of the greatest flutists in our generation, and the first woman at Juilliard for flute said, “You need to get out there and kick up your heels once in awhile!” She was an extremely hard-worker and helped support her family during the depression. Her point was, get out there and dance. Get out there and have fun. Work hard and yet, live a little.

 

 

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So, Sinclair, I’m not sure this fully answered your question, but this is how I try to maintain my true self and identity in life. Thank you for asking such an important question, and I hope this helps you in your journey!

 

The Classic Pamela Positive: Love: Vulnerability Balanced with Courage

 

 “I have learned about love. Love should be easy, free in connection; work, wonderfully so, as in investment; vulnerability balanced with courage, and always undergirded with trust. It should be grace, graced and grateful. It should uplift you.”

 

 

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Love – we feel it, we know it, we believe in it. And I think it truly is indispensable.. we can’t live without it. As we peel away the layers of love… one I’d like to cover today is:

 

Vulnerability Balanced with Courage.

 

Love isn’t always easy for we must be open.  Are you willing to love even if you are hurt?

 

Because a relationship didn’t work the way you’d prefer… or a church committee member spoke harshly to you… your idea got shot down at work or a precious pet ascended to heaven…

 

I know… it hurts… of course it does…

 

So be gentle with yourself, first.

 

But dear leader – we have to have the courage to soften our hearts, stay receptive, and be open to love at all times.  And yes, that is at home and work.

 

 

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This allows us to give the most to the world, and to ourselves.

 

Yes, at all times.

 

I know that might be hard to hear… Hang in there…

So there may be something that shut you down recently. Well, it’s time to unshutter the door and open back up. Take your heart out of the basement, or release your self-imposed sequestration in the attic. 🙂

 

Let’s be those loving, beautiful individuals, who deserve to receive and give love. And other people need it too!

 

Remember, to receive the benefit of love, we have to have courage.

 

“Love is Vulnerability Balanced with Courage.”

 

–Sunday, November 29th, 1998. 10:20pm.

 

The Classic Pamela Positive: Better To Make a Few Mistakes Being Natural

 

“Better to make a few mistakes being natural than to do everything out of a feeling of worry.”

 

The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, Dr. Benjamin Spock, 1946

 

 

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It’s better to make a few mistakes being natural.   It’s important to be who we are in a natural, real way.  If we get everything right, and are absolutely perfect, but it’s done with anxiety…. then it actually isn’t right, is it?

 

What we do needs to be done with care, love, calm.  With joy and sincerity…and since Dr. Benjamin Spock was a famous leader in parenting in the 40s, I’ll take his advice not only for parenting, but also for management.  And for our communications, how we live our lives, how we treat others…

 

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Dr. Spock was an influential writer on childrearing, who advocated for increased flexibility and affection in the treatment of infants and children. He was a pediatrician and his book entitled Baby and Childcare is one of the best selling books in history. Aside from that work, he also published 12 other books. He was an activist, involved in the anti-war movements in the 1960s and 1970s. While at Yale University, he became an Olympic gold medalist in rowing. He married Jane Cheney and they had two children together.

The Classic Pamela Positive: “I shut my eyes in order to see.” – Paul Gauguin

“I shut my eyes in order to see.” 

– Paul Gauguin

 

 

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Paul Gauguin (1848-1903) was an artist who was renowned for his Post Impressionism painting in the 19th century. He was an innovator in the use of bold colors. At the same time, he also brought out the meaning of each subject. He balanced authenticity with innovation.

 

What we can learn from Paul Gauguin: Let’s ‘see’ differently. Don’t use your eyes.  Instead, use “meaning” to see.

 

 

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What’s meaningful to you? Be bold in recognizing it. You’ll see an amazing painting of goodness, kindness and abundance all around you, if you will just see.

 

 

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Eugène Henri Paul Gauguin (7 June 1848 – 8 May 1903) was a leading French Post-Impressionist artist who was not well appreciated until after his death. Gauguin was later recognized for his experimental use of colors and synthetist style that were distinguishably different from Impressionism. His work was influential to the French avant-garde and many modern artists, such as Pablo Picasso, and Henri Matisse. Gauguin’s art became popular after his death and many of his paintings were in the possession of Russian collector Sergei Shchukin. He was an important figure in the Symbolist movement as a painter, sculptor, printmaker, ceramist, and writer. His bold experimentation with coloring led directly to the Synthetist style of modern art, while his expression of the inherent meaning of the subjects in his paintings, under the influence of the cloisonnist style, paved the way to Primitivism and the return to the pastoral. He was also an influential proponent of wood engraving and woodcuts as art forms.

Bio Source: Wikipedia

The Classic Pamela Positive: “A Fit Soul” – Dominic Novak

“I learned that a fit body is nothing without a fit soul.”

 

– Dominic Novak

 

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Dominic Novak is the owner and founder of Peak 360, previously called Peak Physique, in Greenwich, Connecticut. He has been in the fitness industry, training clients, for over 25 years. He started Peak Physique, Inc in 1993, which is currently the largest personal training center on the East Coast. He holds a Bachelor’s of Science in Health Fitness from Springfield College. Dominic has trained athletes, celebrities and clients of all ages. His passion is guiding clients, helping them to reach their fitness goals with his steady persistence and tireless effort. He has wrttten a book called H.E.A.L., which is about a 30-day spirit, mind and body cleanse. He’s working on a second book called Empower 30. He’s married to Dana Novak and they have two daughters together. They actually run Peak 360 together.

The Classic Pamela Positive: How Mahatma Gandhi Teaches Us: To Be…Love and Change, Start with You Now

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

– Mahatma Gandhi

 

The key word here from one of our greatest leaders is ‘be.’ Every day we have a chance to be. And the most important being is loving. Being kind, gracious, and helping others. That can start today. We can and should whisk away frustration, for every moment of frustration is one not spent on being the positive force we hope to be. What type of foundation are you building? One that crumbles from exhaustion and disbelief, cynicism? Or one of solidity, brick, by brick, with each brick contributing Principle, Love, Kindness, Grace, Strength, Truth, Joy…? As Gandhi says… the other key word here is ‘you.’ No one can do this for you. Not your partner, your parents, your best friend or your spouse.  You… are the being.

 

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Mahatma Gandhi was a political and spiritual leader during the Indian Independence movement. He preached resistance through non-violence and mass civil disobedience. He led the Indian National Congress and advocated for the end of poverty, for women’s rights and for independence from Britain. He also renounced religious violence and did several fasts in protest against it. Gandhi was deeply inspired by his Hindu faith, while also drawing on other religious philosophy, and advocating religious tolerance. He married Kasturbai Gandhi and they had four children together.

The Classic Pamela Positive: “Man Was Never Intended to Become an Oyster” – Theodore Roosevelt

“Get action. Seize the moment. Man was never intended to become an oyster.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

 

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Theodore Roosevelt was a true action man. He tumbled down the rivers of Brazil in turbulent times in South America. He took a stand for civil rights when it was not popular to do so. He defied the odds in elections, time and time again. He was persecuted and persevered in so many realms, overcoming his fears.

 

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President Theodore Roosevelt Jr. is famous for his larger-than-life personality, adventurous lifestyle, and strong opinions.  He was an avid outdoorsman all his life, fought in the Spanish American War, wrote books on history and naturalism, and made expeditions to Africa and South America. He was prominent in politics, holding a number of offices; he is still the youngest person to be President of the United States.  Though popularly known as “Teddy” (and the inspiration for “teddy bears”), Roosevelt actually disliked the nickname, considering it too informal.  He married Alice Lee in 1880, with whom he had one child before she passed away. He would later marry Edith Carow and they would have five children together.