How can you help a friend who is out of work? Here is the second of a three-part series sharing the advice I gave to my good friend Haruto.
4- Reestablish your identity.
Begin a special journal now. Every morning you’ll write 10 things you like about yourself. Every evening you’ll go over 10 of your gratefuls.
I’ll start for you:
Haruto’s new mind:
- I am a dutiful father.
- I love my parents
- I have a great smile.
- People like me.
- I love my sister, and she knows it
- I help my parents by taking the garbage and recycling out, without being asked.
- In a day where chivalry is lacking, I hold open the door for other
- I have a degree in Business
- I have a kind, sensitive heart.
And the most important, Number 10:
10. The most important thing in life is who I am, who I ‘be,’ not what I do.
This will always be your number 10. (So you only have to do 9 each day!) 🙂 Please review number 10 every morning and evening. No one loves us for what we do, Haruto. Mary Anne is not one of my best friends because she’s an attorney. :). She is because she’s kind, loving, joyful, supportive and we laugh a lot! It’s all about the qualities you express.
You send them to Mary Anne and me every day, and we’ll celebrate with you. If you get stuck, we can help you think about the positives.
5- Be a philanthropist every day.
Haruto, philanthropy is the love of humanity, love of people. It’s not money. People have just dumbed down the word to money, so people can define it. But you, and everyone is a philanthropist every day! It’s not 9-5. It’s all the time. Now that’s purpose, and that’s a calling we all share.
Being a philanthropist starts now. You don’t wait.
That’s your daily job. Help everyone you can. This is your character anyway — you are great at this!
Put a dime in someone’s parking meter
Say hello to a homeless person
Say a very sincere greeting to the dry cleaners and ask how they are. This isn’t an errand. It’s an opportunity to express love!
Help someone across the street
In the grocery store, help someone find something they can’t find. It doesn’t matter if you don’t work there. Help them! I love doing this. People get so surprised!
That’s your job, every day, Haruto, to watch how much you can help people. For now, and forever. And remember, you’re good at it.
6- Begin going to church consistently. Sometimes your mind might wander. Many times you’ll still feel down. Don’t worry about it. The Spirit of God is working, Haruto. He’s working when you feel like you can’t.
He’s already at at work helping you right now, Haruto. 1 Peter:5:7 “Cast all your cares upon Him, because he cares for you.” Do it. Talk to God and tell Him what hurts. I like this because it relieves our soul, and it’s private. 🙂 yay
Rest in Him. Stop trying to figure out, to do all of this yourself. You’re not alone.
I go to church 3 times per week. I go to Christian Science church at 10, Menlo Presbyterian at 11. Then I joined the Prayer Service where I pray for others from 12-1.
Haruto, I don’t have a lot of prayer requests after hearing these stories…tragic, tragic.. and praying for others has really brought me out of….
The focus on me.
Haruto, we are really blessed… if you can serve the church some way… it gets you out of you.
For some reason I can see you assisting in church administration, with kids, or leading people in a group service, maybe volunteer events. Many times, Haruto, when you put yourself out there and offer yourself in service… people offer you a position. (You might not ever have to formally seek a job.) But that’s not the point. The point is to help others and to serve.
7- Spend slow time in Nature.
If church isn’t your thing, and even if it is, spend slow time in Nature. Watch and listen to the peaceful pattern of river. Listen to the rustling of the leaves of large, overarching trees…. hear the birds and their joyful sounds. Watch blades of grass in a field, gently turning this way and that, being flexible with the gentle wind.
We learn a lot from nature. We can see rhythms and patterns that help us see a positive pattern for our lives. You can see the larger laws of nature in operation. It’s so grand, and yet so smoothly flowing. It’s peaceful.
8- Read my piece “Rough” on my blog Living and Giving.
In it I talk about how I left four jobs in 4 years and was so very depressed. I started a business. It failed. I had to work as an executive assistant for free. The man said I didn’t deserve to be paid. I supported myself as a step aerobics instructor.
I was fired as a waitress in Venice beach. I so wanted to serve! But my hands shook with the plates I held. I was afraid I’d drop them. I was yelled at and let go.
Read it. Give me a call and let’s discuss.
9- Next assignment: Study Joel Osteen
This man is very inspirational and helpful. He’s positive and encouraging to every person, believing everyone has a purpose and is special.
Joel does weave in religion to his messages, so if you’d like something different, here are other authors that just provide plain advice. I really like John C. Maxwell and Stephen Covey. But you won’t find their videos viraling to 1 million. I’d encourage to watch at least one Joel Osteen video. You’ll learn a lot.
For the first week:
Each day, listen to three Joel Osteen videos (or John Maxwell, or Stephen Covey) on YouTube. Do not do anything but listen. You might even want to close your eyes..although he’s inspiring to watch.
Remember those crusty yucky barnacles you washed out of your mind?
Let his healing words replace those barnacles in your thoughts. We’re going to pour in good thoughts. Let those good thoughts seed, plant and grow in your mind.
Haruto, don’t give up. Be persistent. You’re going to have to retrain your mind. That’s ok.
Haruto, you are a golfer. You’re an athlete. Just as you learned to make that perfect putt, you have to practice. You practiced a lot. Again and again. Now, you have to practice new thoughts. Again and again. It’s the same thing.
For the second week:
Each day, listen to three Joel Osteen videos on YouTube. This time take notes. What makes sense to you? What doesn’t? Call me/email me and we can discuss.
10 – Laugh.
Yes, laugh. It’s that simple. There was a man healed of cancer because he watched something like 10 comedy movies at once! When you laugh, it’s impossible to have anxiety. So you need to get out and laugh. That’s why I do improv. I think it’s so healing, so light, and clears people’s minds!
So that’s your plan, Haruto, for the next two weeks. No work or thought of getting a job.
It’s time to realize how special you are.
It’s time to focus on being grateful.
You’re an athlete, Haruto. You know how to practice. This time we are going into the intensive training of your mind and heart. Let’s just focus on that, showering your mind and replanting positive thoughts.
We will love and support you in this. We love you Haruto, and we want you to be happy.
With great admiration for who you are,
Read Part 1 and Part 3!
*Note: All names have been changed