Tag Archives: relationships

Poem: A Devout Lover by Thomas Randolph

I have a mistress, for perfections rare

In every eye, but in my thoughts most fair.

Like tapers on the altar shine her eyes;

Her breath is the perfume of sacrifice;

And wheresoe’er my fancy would begin,

Still her perfection lets religion in.

We sit and talk, and kiss away the hours

As chastely as the morning dews kiss flowers:

I touch her, like my beads, with devout care,

And come unto my courtship as my prayer

- Thomas Randolph

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Thomas Randolph (15 June 1605 – March 1635) was an English poet and dramatist. He was born at Newnham, England to William and Elizabeth Randolph. Thomas was awarded Master of Arts in 1631, and became a major fellow of his college in the same year. He wrote epitaphs for people close to the family when he was 16. Thomas was one of the most popular playwrights of his time and was expected to become Poet Laureate after Ben Johnson. It was his untimely death at age of 29, two years before Johnson’s death, that prevented this. His famous printed works are “Aristippus”, “Or”, “The Joviall Philosopher. Presented in a private shew”, “To which is added”, and “The Conceited Pedlar”.

 

We can’t afford to think that tribalism is a problem that exists somewhere else. It is in our own backyards

“We can’t afford to think that tribalism is a problem that exists somewhere else.  It is in our own backyards, and needs to be healed there.”

Tribalism isn’t an ancient practice.  And it’s not obsolete — yet.  But you can be a part of making tribalism nonexistent.

Examine your day, your thoughts, your relationships. Where are you participating in an exclusive group?  It could be formal — or in your mind. It could a judgment about someone else that separates them away from you.

But we cannot be separated.   Remove yourself from your tribe, and embrace all in borderless love.

When Do You Fight? Only Because of Love

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.”
-G.K Chesterton

A fight is never our first option. Whether that is a war on another land, or in a personal relationship, we want to first go to the place of peace and trust. It’s a place where all are loved and cared for; we live in that loving space together. And from there results a good outcome.

We prepare our minds with loving expectation, for any situation. That could be a challenging business relationship, something skewed in your marriage, an unrestful dating relationship, or a church relationship that just seems to feel ‘off.’ Or perhaps your child seems impenetrable and you just can’t get through.

But you can. And we do this by trusting that we are loved. That is where we start.

At times, however, we might need to take up our shield – – or our sword. In that day, we only do so to protect that loving place that everyone lives in. We defend love.

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G.K. Chesterton was a profound English writer of the 20th century who contributed across philosophy and poetry, as well as fiction.  Two of his best known works are Orthodoxy and The Everlasting Man. He also wrote a weekly column in The London Illustrated News for thirty years.  He was known for his incredible intellect, desire to decrease political divisions, and strong reasoning skills.

The Classic Pamela Positive: Happiness: “Spending Time with People You Love and Who Love You”

“It is only a slight exaggeration to say that happiness is the experience of spending time with people you love and who love you.”

- Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman 

Gifts and giving.  We associate so much of that with happiness.  Yet our one true Happiness is Loving Others.  Oh that sweet presence to just be around those we cherish and feel at home with!

 

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Daniel Kahneman is an Israeli-American psychologist and Nobel laureate.  He is known for his work in the psychology of decision-making.  He was born in Tel Aviv, spent his childhood in France, and moved to Israel in the late 1940s.  He studied psychology at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, and began his career as a lecturer there.  Kahneman has published extensively in psychology, and received the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economics in 2002 for his work on prospect theory.  He is currently on the faculty at Princeton.

The Classic Pamela Positive: “Be Prepared to Fall in Love All Over Again Every Day.”- Michael J. Fox

“Be prepared to fall in love all over again every day.”

- Michael J. Fox

This is true for every relationship. Whether it is your husband, partner, friend, calling in life, your labrador, or the beautiful sun we greet each day, be prepared… to fall in love again.

Appreciating all we have is the most wonderful, nurturing gift we can wrap for ourselves, others and the world.  It envelops everything in the giftwrap of love.

 

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Michael J. Fox is an actor and activist.  He has appeared in iconic roles including Marty McFly in Back to the Future and Alex P. Keaton in the TV show Family Ties.  He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease in 1991, revealing his condition publicly in 1998.  Since then he has been a powerful activist promoting research for a cure.  He has been married to actress Tracy Pollan since 1988, and they have four children.  Fox is also the author of three books, including the memoir, Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist.

The Classic Pamela Positive: Communicate With More Than Words

It is so amazing to me that when we communicate, the words really ‘come in third place.’

First, it’s tone.  Tone communicates the most for us. If we are kind, inclusive, loving, we have opened up a wealth of goodness, opportunity and long-term relationships.  That’s enriching, positive communications.

If you say “you look so nice!” – that can be lovely or sarcastic. It can be kind, gentle, or demeaning and contradictory.  So calm, proactive, inclusive, “slow” conversations, or enthusiastic, proactive and loving statements, can help provide dynamic change.

Your tone is what opens up the conversation and action for change.   

Second, it’s is body language.   If you say something with gusto but your shoulders are caved in, you are contradicting yourself.  How you carry yourself, walk, speak — and especially the intent of your eyes, communicates profoundly. Be strong but humble with your body. Honest and clear, but fluid in your movements.  Find that special balance of strength and openness in how you present yourself, your postures and even the way you move.

Third, it’s words.  Words are the least communicative.  You can reinforce by thousands of percents the words in a positive way or negative depending on how you say it.

How we communicate and the tone we choose, each moment, can create a more loving, trusting world. Realize how much you can impact the world today, by this simple but important commitment.

The Classic Pamela Positive: “Look Deeply and Recognize the Real Enemy” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“If I can say anything to you, it is to invite you to look deeply and recognize the real enemy. The enemy is not a person. That enemy is a way of thinking that has brought a lot of suffering for everyone.”

- Thich Nhat Hanh

Anything negative — is not from a person.

Radical thinking?  It shouldn’t be.   If we view the enemy as simply a thought and not a person, we depersonalize it.   It’s temporary, changeable.   And we allow the person to grow beyond it, rather than be it.

We can then eliminate personal offense, and work constructively towards a solution.

Look at the Why

If something seems to be negative, we can encourage ourselves to look at “the why.” Why might someone think, or take action, in this way?   This offers us an opportunity to develop empathy. Perhaps this person—let’s call her Jeanine—came from a difficult circumstance or has been hurt.

It’s not Jeanine who is “bad,” but the experiences which occurred in her life which impacted her.  It’s those events that led to the thinking and action behind negativity.

So Jeanine’s identity is not “Prejudice”, “Anger” or “Hurt”:

It’s instead:

The most beautiful thing about this is the following.

She can change.

Allow her to do so.  Wouldn’t we all wish to be forgiven for a past action?

Happy PeopleEvery day we can begin again.   We can embrace a fresh purity for each person in our lives, allowing us and others to lives to our fullest – with Love.

 

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Thich Nhat Hanh is a Buddhist monk and Zen master.  He is a well-known poet, writer and peace activist.  A native of Vietnam, during the Vietnam War he helped found the “engaged Buddhism” movement, combining the contemplative practice of the monastery with active ministry to victims of the conflict.  He founded the School of Youth Social Service, a Buddhist University, a publishing house, and a Vietnamese peace activist magazine.

During a trip to the United States, Thich Nhat Hanh persuaded Martin Luther King, Jr. to publicly oppose the Vietnam War; King subsequently nominated him for a Nobel Peace Prize.  Thich Nhat Hanh led the Buddhist delegation to the Paris Peace Talks.

Thich Nhat Hanh is the author of more than 85 books on mindfulness and peace.  He founded the Plum Village community in France, a Buddhist community in exile.   He continues to live and work at the Plum Village, and leads retreats worldwide on “the art of mindful living.”